We love funny Christmas jokes: corny Xmas jokes, short funny Christmas jokes, cartoon jokes... what’s not to love?! Turn ho ho ho into ha ha ha with icicle-sharp, funny Christmas jokes 2023 for kids from Beano!

Our elves have packed 140 very Christmas jokes onto this absolutely epic list! So the next time someone says, ‘Tell me a Christmas joke!’, you’ll have more than enough to choose from!

Still want more of the top Christmas jokes and puns when you're done here? Head on over to our collection of the funniest Santa jokes, cracker jokes or Christmas tree jokes! After this lot, you'll be able to Christmas joke of the day any day you like and have a very punny Christmas!

Christmas Food Jokes

1. What’s Dangerous Dan’s favourite festive treat?
A mince spy!

2. What's the best way to eat a Brussel sprout?
To not eat it!

3. What sort of sprout is very good at getting stuff done?
A hustle sprout!

4. What's orange and could beat you in a fight?
A satsuma wrestler!

5. Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant?
It cost a pretty penne!

6. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosties

7. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

8. This turkey tastes like an old sofa...
Well, I thought you liked stuffing!

9. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Krispies!

10. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?
Tis the season to be jelly!

11. How do you feel when you can't get to your Advent calendar chocolate?
Foiled!

12. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A pineapple!

13. Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!
What you need is some cream!

14. Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?
Because it’s bad for your elf!

15. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?
Deep pan, crisp and even!

16. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Iceburgers with chilly sauce!

17. What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!

Christmas Music Jokes

18. What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas Carol? 
Silent Night!

19. Which Christmas carol do dogs like best?
Bark the Herald Angels Sing!

20. Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonky!

21. How is Stormzy like an elf?
He spends all his time wrapping!

22. Who is Santa's all-time favourite pop singer?
Elf-is Presley!

23. What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs?
Michael Googlé!

24. What's a Christmas tree's favourite Cliff Richard song?
Mistletoe and pine!

Christmas TV and Music Jokes

25. What do you call a Christmas rom-com about bread?
Loaf Actually!

26. How does Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presence!

27. What's the Grinch's least favourite band?
The Who!

28. What does Tom say in December?
Jerry Christmas!

29. Why does the Grinch hate Christmas?
Because it makes him green with envy!

Snow Jokes

30. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce? 
A snowball!

31. Why does no one like meeting up with the snowman?
He's always so flaky!

32. What happens when a snowman stubs his toe?
It gets thaw!

33. What’s a snowman’s favourite food?
Chilli!

34. How do you scare a snowman?
With a hairdryer!

35. What do snowmen do when the weather's too hot for hats and scarves?
They change into puddles!

36. Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose!

37. What did the snowman say to the robin?
I have snow idea!

38. What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!

39. Why do snowmen like living at the North Pole?
Because it's cool!

40. How do you wash your hands at Christmas?
With hand Santa-tizer!

Santa Clause Jokes

41. How long are an elf’s legs?
Just long enough to reach the ground!

42. What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle bills!

43. What’s red, white and green?
Santa Claus when he’s travel sick!

44. Where does Santa stay when he’s on holiday?
In a ho-ho-hotel!

45. Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private elf care!

46. What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Mistle toast!

47. What do you call people who are scared of Christmas?
Claustrophobic!

48. How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one - after that, it isn't empty!

49. How do you know if Santa's in your house?
You can sense his presents!

50. Who solves crimes at Christmas?
Santa Clues!

51. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

52. How good is Santa at karate?
He has a black belt!

53. What's red, white and spotty?
Santa Claus with chickenpox!

54. What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

55. What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Sant Applause!

56. Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents?
Saint Knicker-less!

57. What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

58. Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it 'soots' him!

59. What did the sea say to Santa?
Nothing! It just waved!

60. How much did Santa's sleigh cost?
Nothing - it was on the house!

More Santa Jokes

61. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A Christmas quacker!

62. Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!

63. Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!
You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!

64. What do you call Santa when he's on a tea break?
Santa Pause!

65. Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!

66. What did one snowman say to the other?
Can you smell carrots?

67. What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
Saint Knickerless!

68. Where does Santa go when he's sick?
To the elf centre!

69. Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws!

70. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

71. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low elf esteem!

72. What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flour!

73. What happens to naughty elves?
They get the sack!

74. What says "Oh Oh Oh"?
Santa walking backwards!

75. What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle!

76. What nationality is Santa?
North Polish!

Animal Christmas Jokes

77. What do fish sing during December? 
Christmas corals!

78. Daughter: Can I have a pony for Christmas?
Dad: The oven’s only big enough for a turkey!

79. What's a tiger's favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells!

80. What is a bird’s favourite Christmas movie? 
The Finch!

81. What bird is the best at unlocking doors?
A turkey!

82. Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents?
Santa Claws!

83. Where do polar bears vote? 
The North Poll!

84. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
Merry Christmas to ewe!

85. Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!

86. Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!

87. What is a skunk’s favourite Christmas carol?
Jingle Smells!

88. How do Mexican sheep say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

Reindeer Jokes!

89. What do you call Rudolph with tinsel in his ears?
Anything you want, he can't hear you!

90. Why did Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!

91. Why didn’t Rudolph go to school?
He was elf-taught!

92. What's worse than a reindeer with a runny nose?
A snowman with a fever!

93. What's got four legs and flashes red?
Rudolph needing his nose changed!

94. Why did nobody bid for Donner and Blitzen on eBay?
They were two deer!

Festive Knock, Knock Jokes

95. Knock knock! Who's there? Hark. Hark who?
Hark the Herald Angels Sing!

96. Knock knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

97. Knock knock! Who's there? Hannah. Hannah who?
Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

98. Knock, knock! Who's there? Snow. Snow who?
Snow business like show business!

Christmas Jokes

99. What do you call a computer that grows on a Christmas tree?
A PineApple!

100. Why was E the only letter that got a Christmas present?
Because all the other letters were not E!

101. What did the mummy present say to the baby present?
Wrap up warm!

102. What do you call a girl with a prickly head?
Holly!

103. What do golfers get in their stockings?
Silly putty!

104. What’s warty and hangs from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistel-toad!

105. Where would you find a Christmas tree?
Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!

106. What month do Christmas trees hate most?
Sep-timber!

107. Which athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!

108. How did Scrooge end up with the football?
The ghost of Christmas passed!

109. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

110. What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards!

111. What Christmas carol is sung in the desert?
O, Camel Ye Faithful!

112. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

113. Where would you find snowmen dancing?
At a snowball!

114. What did the reindeer say to the elf?
Nothing...reindeer can't talk!

115. What did one Christmas tree decoration say to the other?
Let's hang out!

116. What kind of music do elves like best?
Wrap!

117. Why did the turkey cross the road?
He wasn't chicken!

118. If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get?
Mistle toe!

119. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

120. What reindeer has the worst manners?
Rude-olph!

Even More Christmas Jokes

121. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!

122. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Their days are numbered!

123. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

124. How many letters are there in the Christmas alphabet?
25 - there's no L!

125. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!

126. What did one Christmas tree say to another?
Lighten up!

127. Why is it so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrr!

128. What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter Y!

129. Who robs from the rich so he can gift-wrap presents for the poor?
Ribbon Hood!

130. What's red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!

131. Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?
So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

132. What is the most competitive season?
Win-ter!

133. Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole?
No well, no well!

134. Where does Mistletoe go to become famous?
Hollywood!

135. What happened to the man who stole an Advent calendar?
He got 24 days!

136. Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles!

137. What are Santa's favourite crisps?
Kringles

138. What is Santa's sister called?
Mary Christmas! 

139. What do Christmas trees get when they're ill?
Tinselitis!

140. What was the Christmas tree’s favourite shape?
A tree-angle!

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