86 Nurse Jokes To Make You Feel Better!
Got a pain in your funny bone? Laughter is the best medicine with these extra-funny nurse jokes!
Not feeling these? Then check out these doctor jokes, teacher jokes, or even farmer jokes! We've got jokes about pretty much everything - click here if you don't believe us!
What do you call a little cat who works with nurses?
A first aid kit!
What did the nurse tell the patient suffering from bird flu?
“Don’t worry, we can tweet you!"
Why do a lot of nurses go to college at the North Pole?
That's where the Icy U is!
Doctor:" How is the boy who swallowed the £5 note?"
Nurse: "No change yet!"
What did the nurse say to the medicine maker when they got sick?
"Let me give you a taste of your own medicine!"
What did the nurse say if when they asked the patient to do their own stitches?
Suture self!
What do you call a group of nurses who are backing singers?
Band aides!
Why did the nurse have to fill in the blood type chart twice?
She made a type O!
Why did the man send the nurse an X-ray of his chest?
He wanted to show his heart was in the right place!
Why did the nurse stay tight-lipped about the virus gossip?
They didn't want to spread it around!
Patient: "I feel like a carrot!"
Nurse: "Don't get into a stew!"
How did the nurse make the Invisible Man feel better?
They took him to the ICU!
Patient: "I've swallowed a golf ball!"
Nurse: "I can see it's gone down a fairway!"
I told the nurse that I broke my arm in two places...
They said stop going to those places!
Patient: "Nurse, I can't stop breaking wind!"
Nurse: "Why not buy a kite?"
Why the flea see the nurse?
They felt jumpy!
Nurse: "How did you feel after swallowing a pillow?"
Patient: "A little down in the mouth!"
Why was the nurse sacked?
For being absent without gauze!
Which hot drink do nurses try to avoid?
Cough-y!
What do you call a nurse who is relaxed and smiling?
Off duty!
Why are night nurses such bad dancers?
Their circadian rhythm is a bit off!
Did you hear about the foot specialist who quit to start their own clinics?
They became arch enemies!
What do you call a nurse who makes rash decisions?
A dermatologist!
Why was the nurse more calm when they were busy?
They had a lot of patients!
Nurse: "Whereabouts did the wasp sting you?"
Patient: "About 2 miles away!"
Nurse: "You'll be able to play the guitar after your operation!"
Patient: "That's great, because I don't know how!"
Patient: "I get heartburn when I eat birthday cake."
Nurse: "Have you tried taking the candles off first?"
Nurse: "Sorry you've had a long wait..."
Patient: "Don't worry, I'm patient."
What did the nurse say to the jet plane?
"It’s time for your booster shot!"
What did the nurse say when a patient swallowed a clock?
"This medicine will help pass the time!"
Patient: "I caught a cold after being on a carousel."
Nurse: "Don't worry, there's something going round!"
Why did the rope visit the nurse?
They had a knot in their stomach!
Patient: “I've swallowed a spoon!"
Nurse: "Sit there and don't stir!"
What did a Roman nurse call an IV?
Four!
Nurse: “You have high blood pressure and amnesia"
Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!”
Why did the laptop see the nurse?
They had a virus!
What did the nurse suggest to the patient with an apple pie stuck in their nose?
Some cream!
Why did the dalmatian go to the nurse?
Because every time they looked in the mirror they saw spots!
What do you call a nurse who takes blood samples after midnight?
Nurse-feratu!
What did the Slinky say to the nurse?
"I think I have spring fever!"
Why didn’t one nurse find the other nurse’s joke funny?
She had an irony deficiency!
"Nurse, I get a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
"Well, take the spoon out first!"
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive!
How do nurses feel when they think about their student days?
A sense of nurse-talgia!
Nurses say laughter is the best medicine...
Apart from treating someone with diarrhoea!
Why should you never upset a children's nurse?
They have very little patients!
Why are nurses afraid of big gardens?
Too much poison IV!
Why did the nurse bring ladders to work?
In case her patients had high blood pressure!
What is a nurse’s favourite board game?
Operation!
What do you call a nurse who tells funny jokes?
Humerus!
What did the nurse say to the bucket?
You look pail!
What makes a nurse to move at the speed of light?
The smell of coffee from the break room!
A nurse fitted me with a neck brace...
I haven't looked back since!
Did you hear about the grumpy nurse?
They wouldn't stop needling everyone!
Why did the nurse not eat at the hospital canteen?
The portions were measle-y!
Why did the nurse have typhoid, measles and tetanus in her phone contacts?
They liked to call the shots!
Why did the nurse go to art school?
To learn how to draw blood!
What did the balloon say to the nurse?
I feel light-headed!
What did the blood donor say to the nurse?
I feel drained!
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None – they get the student nurse to do it!
What did the nurse said when a boy told her he stood on LEGO?
Try to block out the pain!
Why does the infectious disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?
Because it has all the hot spots!
What did the cookie say to the nurse?
I feel crumby!
What do you tell a nurse when she gives an injection painlessly?
Good jab!
Why did the robot speak to the nurse?
Because it had a virus!
What did the nurse say to the tonsil?
You should get dressed. The surgeon is going to take you out!
How does Thor's medical staff get him back to health?
They Norse him through the night!
Why do nurses creep around at night?
So they don't wake the sleeping pills!
Did you hear about the nurse who was crushed by a load of books?
She had only her shelf to blame!
Why did the banana have to visit the nurse?
It wasn't peeling very well!
Did you hear about the nurse who lost his whole left side?
He was alright in the end!
Did you hear about the man who sent his nurse an X-Ray of his chest?
His heart was in the right place!
Why did the nurse lose her job?
She had no patients!
What's the worst place in the Hospital to play hide and seek?
The ICU!
I asked my nurse if she had something for my liver...
She gave me a bag of onions!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake.
Until my nurse told me to take the candles off first!
Never lie to an X-ray technician.
They can see right through you!
Who’s the coolest person in the hospital?
The Ultra-Sound Guy!
What do you call a duck that works in a hospital?
A Health Quacktitioner!
Patient: I get a sharp pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Nurse: Take the spoon out first!
Nurse: I have bad news. You've got a broken leg and memory loss.
Me: Well, at least I don't have a broken leg!
A man goes to hospital with a carrot up his nose.
The nurse tells him he's not eating properly!
My nurse was very nervous about vaccinating me.
I told him to give it his best shot!
Nurse, how is my friend who swallowed a bag of coins?
I'm afraid there's no change yet!
Why do nurses carry red pens?
In case they have to draw blood!
What’s it called when a Hospital runs out of maternity nurses?
A Mid-Wife Crisis!
