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20 Almond Jokes and Puns That are Nut Funny!

These funny almond puns are nut to be missed! Check them out, share them out with your friends and find your favourite one!

You walnut be disappointed with these almond jokes! They're nutterly hilarious! We promise we're not milking it! And if you liked these, check out more nut jokes with these nut puns! Or how about these excellent ice cream jokes! And we know you'll love these fresh herb jokes! And you can find hundreds more classic jokes on our main jokes hub!

I love almond milk

It's unlike any udder milk!

What do you call a female Almond?

Michelle!

Why didn't the almond go to the ballet?

It was scared of the Nutcracker!

Can you keep a secret about an almond?

I walnut tell a soul!

Why was the almond mad at his friends?

They roasted him!

What do you call an almond at the beach?

Sea-salted!

Why was the almond bad at hide and seek?

It kept pecan!

What did the motivational almond say?

'Do nut give up!'

What do almonds eat at barbeques?

A-corn on the cob!

What do you call an almond in space?

An astro-nut!

What did the almond say to the Brazil nut?

'Cashew later!'

How does an almond get online?

It uses the inter-nut!

What do you call a Spanish almond?

Almundo!

What do you call an almond who loves board games?

A chess-nut!

What do you call a chilled out almond?

C-almond collected!

What do almonds use for money?

Cash-ews!

What happens if you make an almond nervous?

It cracks!

What happens if you're rude to an almond?

It will feel unsalted!

Are you ready for this almond flavoured joke?

Amaretti? You bet!

I find it very hard to get dates...

Almonds though, that's easy!

Vampire Chair

Trick or Treat?

Choose wisely...