290 Word Jokes That Are So Punny!

What do you call Hello Kitty farting?

Puss and toots!

I just dropped my Hello Kitty phone in the sink and it’s broken!

It was the worst case scenario!

Hello Kitty is a theoretical physicist

She sees everything as strings!

Did you hear Hello Kitty was found guilty of murder?

She got nine life sentences!

Hello Kitty accidentally ate human food last night

Don’t ask meow!

Hello Kitty loves stormy weather…

When it rains, it purrs!

Hello Kitty is constantly being mistaken for a dolphin

Poor puss!

What do you get when you crossbreed Hello Kitty with a duck?

A platypuss!

What do you call it when Hello Kitty wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophy!

Where will Hello Kitty go when she dies?

Purrgatory!

Hello Kitty begins typing an annoyed work message:

“Purr my last email…”

I just gave Hello Kitty some 7UP

Now she's got 16 lives!

How does Hello Kitty like her steak cooked?

Raaaaawr!

What’s the difference between a Hello Kitty and a comma?

Hello Kitty has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause!

What do you call a Japanese cat character with a gun?

Kitty kitty bang bang!

Why did Hello Kitty buy a classic car?

Because she had a fifth-life crisis!

What do you call Hello Kitty without a tail?

Hello Kittv!

What is Hello Kitty’s Communist uncle called?

Chairman Meow!

What is Hello Kitty’s sick cousin’s name?

Bron-Kittys!

What’s the best thing to give a seasick gremlin?

Plenty of room!

Why did the gremlin eat a torch?

He wanted a light snack!

What do gremlins read every morning?

Their horror-scope!

What should you do with a green gremlin?

Wait until it's ripe!

What is a gremlin’s favourite type of bean?

A human bean!

Do gremlins eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately!

Did you know gremlins can grow up to twelve feet?

Luckily they usually only have two!

Why was there no food left at the end of the gremlin party?

Because everyone was a goblin!

What is a gremlin’s favourite book?

Hairy Potter!

What do you say when you meet a two-headed gremlin?

"Hello, hello!"

What is a gremlin’s favourite Star Wars series?

The Bad Batch!

What did the gremlin eat after having his teeth out?

The dentist!

What car does a gremlin drive?

A furr-ari!

What game do gremlins like to play?

Hide and shriek!

What is a gremlin’s favourite cheese?

Monster-ella!

Did you hear about the gremlin who lost his left arm and left leg?

Don’t worry, he’s all right now!

What’s a gremlin’s favourite dinner?

Ghoul-ash!

What do you call a vampire gremlin?

A haemo-goblin!

What’s the difference between a gremlin and a hobbit?

You MUST feed a hobbit after midnight!

What do you call a small gremlin?

His name!

What do you call a rich raccoon?

A cash panda!

What do you call a raccoon with a great voice?

The Masked Singer!

What is a raccoon’s favourite dance?

The trash can-can!

Why did the raccoon sleep under the car?

He wanted to wake up oily!

How do raccoons handle their problems?

By masking their emotions!

Why was the raccoon fired from his job as a binman?

He kept eating all the trash!

What did the taxidermist say to the stuffed raccoon during an argument?

“You are FULL of it!”

What do you call it when a bunch of raccoons are watching your bins?

Raccoon-naissance!

Why did the raccoon take a gourmet cooking class?

He was tired of eating trash!

How do raccoons keep their fur soft?

Raccoon-ditioner!

What do you call a mammal who’s great at telling stories?

A raccoon-teur!

Who would win at Scrabble, a raccoon or a squirrel?

The squirrel – it has a Q in it!

Why did the raccoon go “oink”?

He was learning a new language!

What do you call a raccoon with a banana in each ear?

Anything you want, he can’t hear you!

A vulture tries to get on a plane with a raccoon under each wing...

The attendant stops him and says, “Sorry, you’re only allowed one carry-on!”

What do you call a raccoon covered in pasta sauce?

A ragu-n!

What kind of car does a raccoon drive?

A furr-ari!

What do raccoons love to eat?

Junk food!

Why did the raccoon cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done!

What is a raccoon’s favourite game?

Hide and squeak!

So I told my friend a joke about embroidery the other day…

And the punchline had him in stitches!

I'm trying to think of an embroidery pun but I'm really struggling

I needle the help I can get!

A tailor had his eyes replaced with embroidery thread…

So now he has fiber optics!

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Embroidery!

I'm having a lot of difficulty with my embroidery

Oops, wrong thread!

Embroidery without needles...

Is just pointless!

I told my doctor I feel like an embroidery pattern, but they ignored me

I’ve never felt so stabbed in the back!

Mom: I don’t think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth

Child: Yeah. Sew?

The sword swallower went to a sewing store to buy embroidery needles

He was on a diet!

Christmas trees are terrible at embroidery

They always drop their needles!

I hired a hitman to clean up my embroidery

He has been tying up all the loose ends!

What did Captain Picard say when the Enterprise's embroidery machine broke?

Make it sew!

Just sued my mum for sending me a blanket made by her and her embroidery club

Quilty by Association!

So, you don't trust my embroidery skills?

Fine. Suture self!

How would you describe your embroidery skills?

Sew sew!

The comments in the online embroidery forum are fascinating

So many threads!

Should you tie or stitch your loose ends?

Maybe sew maybe knot!

The Bayeux Tapestry is not accurate historically

The whole story has been embroidered. Some say it was a stitch-up!

What’s an embroiderer’s favourite treasure?

Pearl!

What’s an athlete’s favourite type of embroidery?

Running stitch!

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes!

Why do bagpipers always walk while playing the bagpipes?

They're trying to get away from all the noise!

Why do they play bagpipes at funerals?

Because no living person wants to hear them!

Why shouldn’t you run with bagpipes?

You could put your aye out!

No, why should you REALLY not run with bagpipes?

It could get ya kilt!

A true gentleman is one who knows how to play the bagpipes

But doesn't!

What's the difference between an onion and a set of bagpipes?

No one cries when a set of bagpipes is cut up!

My friend starting hearing bagpipes in the back of his head

I think he has Scotsophrenia!

When someone tells a guitarist joke, people laugh

When someone tells a bagpipe joke, people nod in agreement!

What is the best way to tune a bagpipe?

With a Pitchfork!

What is an arrogant bagpiper’s favourite snack?

Braggis!

My neighbours love my 3am bagpipe practice

They even throw rocks through my window so they can hear it better!

A bagpipe player, a banjo player and an accordion player all walk into a bar…

Everybody leaves!

What’s the difference between beginner and expert bagpipers?

Nothing!

My dog is like a bagpipe

When I sit on her she makes a loud noise!

I don’t understand my boyfriend. First he says, “Yes, fine, have a tattoo!”

And now he’s moaning about all the bagpipers in the garden!

What do you call a Scottish bagpiper who’s lost his dog?

Douglas!

What is a bagpiper’s favorite side order?

Gaelic Bread!

What do you call a French boy who can play the bagpipes?

A oui lad!

What do you call crossing the sea in the Roman Empire?

A total 'mare!

Which Roman town is the best place to get clean?

Bath!

What's Julius Caesar's favourite fruit drink?

Rubicon!

Which ancient tribe was the most honest?

The Franks!

Why did Julius Caesar invade Britain by boat?

Because they hadn't built the Channel Tunnel yet!

Which ancient tribe was black and white and had tails?

The Dalmatians!

Which ancient tribe fought the Romans and lives in space?

The Astrogoths!

What's the youngest regiment in the Roman army?

The infantry!

Why did the ancient Italians have such a big empire?

They were always Roman around!

What never gets returned if its kicked into Scotland?

Hadrian's Ball!

Why was the Roman upset when a lion ate his wife?

He wasn't gladiator!

Who's the most reliable Roman Emperor?

Constantine!

What do you call a Roman emperor with a cold?

Julius Sneezer!

Why didn't the Romans like the French?

They found them Gauling!

Which tribe were too depressed to fight the Romans?

The Visigoths!

What happens if a chariot goes missing in the Roman Empire?

It gets Vandalised!

Which ancient tribe are you most likely to find on a girls night out?

The Huns!

Who's the most exhausted person in the Roman Empire?

The guy who has to paint Hadrian's Wall!

What did the Romans build after the Antonine Wall?

The Antoten Wall!

What's an ancient Briton's favourite sports team?

Celtic!

You play League of Legends AND World of Warcraft??

Wow, Lol!

What do you call people who design icons in League of Legends?

Lolicons!

Why do the French hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering!

Why is Donald Trump not a fan of League of Legends?

Because there's too much Faker news!

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger!

What do you call it when Gnar rebels?

Mew-tiny!

Where does Gnar go when he dies?

Purr-gatory!

Why does Gnar make the best omelettes?

He has the best whiskers!

Ivern once told me he’s cut down 27,572 trees. How doe she know how many?

Easy - he keeps a log!

I can cut down Ivern just by looking at him

It's true, I saw him with my own eyes!

How does Ivern access the internet?

He logs in!

What do you call Kog’Maw in a big, feathery hat?

Phlegm-buoyant!

What is Volibear’s favourite thing to eat?

Brrrr - Gurrrrs!

Why does Malphite prefer eating space rocks?

They’re a little meteor!

Rammus was my zoology teacher

Weird name, but he tortoise well!

What's the difference between Renekton and a toothbrush?

You can't brush your teeth with a Renekton!

What is Renekton’s favorite party game?

Swallow the leader!

What job would Renkton be really good at?

Navi-gator!

Where does Volibear keep their money?

In a snowbank!

What do you call Volibear on a date In Hawaii?

Lost!

Which Friends character do servers love the most?

Chandler Ping!

Why was the server late for work?

It was stuck in heavy traffic!

Why couldn't the server buy a snack?

It had lost its cache!

What happened to the server who was bad at football?

It was booted from the team!

How did the server get wet?

It fell in the sync!

What did the server have with a glass of milk?

Cookies!

Why did people enjoy the server's parties?

They were a great host!

Why did the server bring a ladder?

It wanted to reach the cloud!

What’s a server’s favourite sport?

Ping pong!

Why did the server bring a map?

It kept losing its route!

Why did the server bring a jacket?

It was working in a cold storage environment!

How does a server stay fit?

With regular cycles!

What did the car say to the electromagnet?

“Can I have a lift?”  

Did you hear about the farmer who put horseshoes on his horses, and then they started sticking to the ground?

They were in a magnetic field!

What’s the difference between a magnet and a construction site?

A construction site has more poles!

Why couldn’t the man turn down a job offer at the magnet factory?

It was just too attractive!

What’s a server’s favourite animal?

A RAM!

What’s the easiest way to become more attractive?

Swallow a magnet!

What do knights in shining armour find even more attractive than princesses in towers?

Magnets!

What happened when two magnets both showed their positive side?

They found each other repulsive!

What happened when scientists disagreed over the effects of changes in the Earth’s magnetic field?

They were polarised!

A magnet walks into a bar…

It stuck!

What do servers use to fix their problems?

A patch!

Where do magnets come from?

They grow in magnetic fields!

I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet…

So far I’ve got nine fridges!

What is a magnet’s favourite animal?

A polar bear!

What’s a magnet’s favourite sport?

Pole vaulting!

What’s a server’s favourite type of coffee?

Java!

What will happen if the Earth’s magnetic fields flip?

I don’t know, but I heard Santa’s been interviewing penguins to see if they can pull a sleigh!

Why shouldn’t you talk about magnets in polite company?

It can be a polarising topic!

What did one magnet say to another?

“From one side, I found you repulsive. But from the other, I think you’re very attractive!”

What did the electromagnet say to the lost electron?

“Just go with the flow!”

What’s the difference between a pessimist and a magnet?

A magnet has a positive side!

Why are magnets so good at dating?

They’re very attractive!

What is a magnet’s favourite fairground attraction?

The ferrous wheel!

What do servers and detectives have in common?

They both follow leads!

What’s a server’s favourite treat?

Cookies!

What do servers use to brush their teeth?

A byte-sized amount of toothpaste!

How does an IT expert know when their soup is ready?

Their microwave goes 'ping'!

Why don’t servers ever rest?

They’re always on standby!

Why was the flat tyre looking a bit fed up?

It wasn't a Goodyear!

I lost my house key shaped like a bottle opener

Now I worry about someone breaking in and opening all my drinks!

Want to hear a joke about a flat tyre?

It's wheely funny!

What's tyre's least favourite coffee?

A flat white!

A friend needed help changing a flat tyre...

"Don't worry, no pressure!"

A person was driving their car when they came across two paths and got a flat!

There was a fork in the road!

What did the old van say when it got a burst wheel?

Time to re-tyre!

Don't worry if you've got a deflated tyre...

It's only flat on one side!

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key!

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car

Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor!

In what key do ghosts play the piano?

In the spoo-key!

What sort of key do you use to open a banana?

A mon-key!

There are 3 keys to make a good joke

CTRL, C and V!

What did the tyre say when they were feeling flat?

"I'll bounce back!"

What’s the key to a good mailman joke?

The delivery!

What is it called when a mechanic says they like your burst tyres?

Flattery!

Why is it easy to think of flat tyre jokes?

There's zero pressure!

How did the flat tyre celebrate its birthday?

They had a blowout meal!

Where does a burst tyre live?

A flat!

Why did the flat tyre put their pants in the laundry?

They were covered in skid marks!

What did the cat say when it got a flat tyre?

This is a cat-astrophe!

A thief took my Microsoft Office license key

I'll come and get you thief! You have my Word!

What's a tyre's least favourite food?

Flatbread!

It cost me £1 to pump up my tyre...

That's the cost of inflation for you!

I told a joke about a deflated tyre...

But it fell flat!

What key has legs and can't open a door?

A Turkey!

They say repetition is the key to success

They say repetition is the key to success!

I smashed up my keyboard and couldnt find the last key

I lost Ctrl!

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs!

What's a flat tyre's favourite kind of music?

Pop!

Why did the Escape key want to leave?

Because it was repressed!

Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

Chewbacca locked the keys in the Millennium Falcon...

It was a Wookie mistake!

Why do fish always sing off key?

Because you can't tuna fish!

Why did the flat tyre look sad?

It had been let down!

I have a flat tyre...

I should have got asparagus!

Which football manager leaves gifts at the City Ground on Christmas morning?

Nuno Espirito Santa!

Why did Nuno Espirito Santo flood the pitch?

He wanted to bring on his subs!

Why do people go to study at City Ground?

Because it's so quiet!

Where do Nottingham youth players train?

Forest School!

What's the difference between Forest and a book?

The book has a title!

What's the worst thing about the City Ground?

All the seats face the pitch!

Why was Joe Worrall upset on his birthday?

Someone gave him a red card!

I set my email password to ‘ForestDefence’… 

It said it was too weak!

Why did Mat Selz spend ages his laptop?

He couldn’t save his work!

A person hands £50 to the staff at the City Ground box office and says 'Two please!'

'Defenders or strikers?'

What is red and white and red and white and red and white and red and white?

A Nottingham Forest player in the box!

Why did Forest travel to Liverpool?

Four nothing!

What does FOREST actually mean? 

Fear of relegation every Saturday teatime!

What's the difference between Forest keeper Mat Selz and a taxi driver?

A taxi driver will only let four in!

A burglar broke into the City Ground and took everything in the trophy room...

Police are looking for someone with a red carpet!

How can you tell when Forest are losing?

It's five past three!

What tea does Chris Wood drink? 

Penal-tea!

Why do Forest fans plant potatoes around of the edge of their pitch?

So they have something to lift at the end of the season!

What does a Forest fan do when their team has won the Premier League?

Turn off the Playstation!

What's the difference between Forest and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup a lot longer!

Why did the house go to the doctor?

It was having window panes!

Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?

He didn’t have an-e-mone!

What’s an ig?

A snow house with no bathroom!

How does a hen leave her house?

Through the eggs-it!

I just bought a house in Liverpool…

It’s 2 up, 5 down!

What happened to the man when thieves broke into his house and stole every lightbulb?

He was delighted!

My housemates think our house is haunted, and I don’t get it…

I’ve lived here for 300 years and I’ve never noticed anything!

It’s hard to describe the poisonous roof on my house…

But I try asbestos I can!

Do you want to hear a roof joke?

It's on the house!

What do you call a pirate who designs houses?

An ARRRRRRRchitect!

Which pasta is always getting locked out of the house?

Gnocchi!

Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house?

She was having a bad hare day!

Which room of the house will never be haunted?

The living room!

What do you call a guy lying in front of your house?

Matt!

What do you call two witches who share a house?

Broom mates!

How do T-Rexs build houses?

With a dino-saw!

Which insect can jump higher than a house?

Any of them – houses can’t jump!

How did the computer get out of the house?

He used Windows!

Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house?

He was homesick!

What does a house wear?

Address!

Why do the nurses at the blood donation clinic have autocorrect turned off?

Because they always want more type-os!

Autocorrect has saved my sanity

I'm the typo person that hates grammatical errors!

Why can’t we get a smartphone that can properly autocorrect in/on?

It’s really starting to get in my nerves!

I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist

Albeit Einstein would disagree!

Selling an improved autocorrect?

Shut up and take my monkey!

When you turn off auto correct

ALL LOPE IS HOST!

I heard the creator of autocorrect went to the doctor...

I didn’t even know he was I’ll!

I hate autocorrect

It makes me say things I didn't Nintendo!

I see you don't use autrocorrect

I akso lkie to libe dagneriusly!

What's Autocorrect's blood type?

Typo negative!

It means no worries
For the rest of your days

Haiku na Mattatta!

I feel like we should all cut the guy who invented autocorrect some slack

I'm sure he moans we'll!

Why don't vampires use autocorrect?

Because they love Type Os!

The inventor of autocorrect has now retired...

He will be mist!

If autocorrect were really smart, it would know when I meant gave or have

*have or gave!

I had a horrible relationship with autocorrect in 2024...

But hey... New Year, New Mexico!

I had a really good joke...

But autocorrect ruined the lunchtime!

How can you tell that the sea is friendly?

It gives everyone a wave!

What do you call a seagull that lives near a bay?

A bagel!

What do you call very small waves crashing into the shore?

Micro-waves!

How do you make an octopus laugh?

With TEN-tickles!

What are the lowest musical notes in the ocean? 

Sea bass!

Were those catfish?

Or just purr-maids?

Why did the scuba diver bring a mop? 

To clean up the sea floor!

This weekend a red ship and a blue ship collided at sea...

All the sailors were marooned!

Did you hear about the oven dishes that sailed the seven seas?

They were the Pyrex of the Caribbean!

The temple of the giant sea cow has recently been rebuilt...

Faith in huge manatee restored!

Do you know why the sea is salty?

It's because land never waved back!

Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America?

Because the water is Chile!

I just bought a house in France, on the southern coast...

It's very Nice!

I want to take a cruise around the coast of Norway...

But can I afjord it?

What did the coast guard say to the three captured whales?

Whale, whale, whale...

You wanna sell seashells by the seashore?

Well that’s a lot easier done than said!

Does the sea change colour if you pour orange soda into it?

No, that's just Fanta. See?

What did the Sea Urchin say to the Sea Cucumber?

With fronds like these, who needs anenomies?

What should you do if you can't stop going to the seaside?

Sea kelp!

I went to the seaside and didn't want to go with my friends on this long wooden platform...

But I bowed to pier pressure!

What do you call an archaeologist who complains all the time?

Indiana Moans!

Who is Indiana Jones' daughter?

Fedora the Explorer!

What sort of facts does Indiana Jones love?

Arti-facts!

What do you call a skeleton in a fedora?

Indiana Bones!

What did Indiana Jones call his shoe shop?

The Last Cru-suede!

What do you get when you cross Indiana Jones and a Venn Diagram?

Comparison Ford!

What kind of necklace does Indiana Jones wear?

An Indy-pendant!

What did Indiana Jones call his pet shop?

Raider of the Lost Bark!

What did Indiana Jones call his dishware shop?

The Kingdom of the Crystal Bowl!