290 Word Jokes That Are So Punny!

I have a few My Hero Academia jokes…

They’re All Might!

What’s the best compliment you can give Tsuyu?

“I find you ribbiting!”

What kind of car does Denki drive?

A Voltswagon!

Why is Midoriya's hero name “Deku”?

Because he's gonna dek u in the face!

What is Tokoyami’s favourite film?

Birdman!

Why is Todoroki hard to like?

He blows hot and cold!

What is Shigaraki’s villain name?

The Handyman!

What is Ochaco’s favourite TV show?

Gravity Falls!

What is the name of Hanta Sero’s Christmas-themed brother?

Santa Hero!

What do you call the Ochaco/Hanta ship?

Sero Gravity!

What do librarians like in their lunchboxes?

Piece and quiet!

What did the squid put in her lunchbox?

Ten tacos!

Who can fly and always spills the contents of his lunchbox?

Souper man!

Why didn't the moon open its lunchbox?

It was already full!

What do frogs put in their lunch boxes?

French flies!

What do whales put in their lunch boxes?

Fish and ships!

What do nuclear plant workers have in their lunch boxes?

Fission chips!

What do spies put in their lunch boxes?

Impasta!

What should you put in your lunchbox if you're trying to eat light?

A rainbow!

I put a Shepherd's pie my lunchbox

He wasn't happy about it!

What do Roman emperors put in their lunch boxes?

Caesar salad!

What did the llama say before his trip?

'Alpaca lunch!'

What do ducks keep in their lunchboxes?

Cheese and quackers!

What do computers keep in their lunchboxes?

A byte to eat!

What do wizards keep in their lunchboxes?

Sand witches!

How many brothers does Present Mic have?

Two – Past Mic and Future Mic!

What two things can you never have in your lunch box?

Breakfast and dinner!

Where do cows eat their lunch?

In the cow-feteria!

How do astronauts carry their food?

In a launch box!

Why was Toru feeling sad?

She felt like she was invisible to everyone!

Why was Izuku super-tired?

He pulled an All-Mighter!

What did The Godfather say about the person he wanted to forcibly pass One For All to?

 “I’ll make him an OFA he can’t refuse!”

What can you find in a snowman's lunch box?

Ice burgers!

What was in the mummy's lunchbox?

A wrap!

Why does Denki’s fighting style never change?

It's fairly static!

Why doesn’t Ochaco like gravity?

It always brings her down!

What is the Iida family dog's name?

Inugenium!

What do you call a MHA villain who hates cows?

Nomoo!

Why did the frog girl become a lawyer?

She wanted to Tsuyu!

What’s the most useless Quirk you could have?

Having the power to stop a speeding bullet… once!

Why did the Peachybbies slime cross the road?

To prove they weren't chicken!

Why doesn't slime use a lift?

It prefers to ooze the stairs!

What did the Peachybbies tub say on February 14?

"Will you be my Valen-slime?"

What did the Peachybbies tub say when it was little?

Goo goo!

Why couldn't the slime finish its maths homework?

It got stuck!

What is a Peachybbies tubs' favourite day of the week?

Splatter-day!

Why do Peachybbies make good friends?

They'll always stick by you!

What did the Peachybbies tub say when it got on an aeroplane?

How slime flies!

What do Peachybbies tubs use to style their hair?

Gel!

How do Peachybbies tubs start a bedtime story?

"Once upon a slime..."

Why did the Peachybbies tub want to be famous?

It enjoyed the limelight!

What is a Peachybbies' favourite Foo Fighters song?

I'll Stick Around!

What do you call a Peachybbies tub that judges music?

Slimon Cowell!

What's a Peachybbies slime's favourite Christmas carol?

Jiggle bells!

What difficulty level do Peachybbies pick on video games?

Oozy!

What's a Peachybbies tub's favourite drink?

Lemon and slime!

What's a Peachybbies slime's favourite subject?

Goo-graphy!

What search engine does Peachybbies slime use?

Goo-gle!

Why did the Peachybbies slime pull a muscle during PE?

They forgot to stretch!

Why aren't Peachybbies slime pots wrapped in paper?

Because they'd become a sticky note!

Why are ducks so bad at pottery?

Everything they make comes out quacked!

How can you tell if you’re boring a potter?

His eyes will glaze over!

Why shouldn’t you pick a fight with a potter?

They’re always ready to throw down!

Why did the potter hang around in her studio for hours before starting work?

She was just kiln time!

I just took a test on pottery…

I think I vased it!

What do you call a sasquatch who loves pottery?

A hairy potter!

I used to have a job cleaning out pottery kilns…

Then I got fired!

What do you call a really good poem about clay?

True pottery!

Did you hear about the guy who used to be a punk rocker, but then grew up and discovered a love for wordplay and pottery?

Now he’s a pun crocker!

What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up his kiln?

“Go ahead. Make my clay.”

How do you know James Bond is such a big fan of pottery?

He has a license to kiln!

I make a lot of money in pottery…

You could say I’m kiln it!

I met a lizard who was really good at selling pottery door-to-door…

He could really rep tile!

How do you get good at Greek pottery?

You have to urn it!

What do you call a knight who loves pottery?

Sir Amic!

What do you call a pioneering potter?

A real trailglazer!

Why shouldn’t you take a pottery class?

It isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!

How does a potter get paid?

He has to urn it!

Did you hear about the pottery furnace that exploded?

They had to notify its next of kiln!

I was panicking when my pottery shelf was about to fall down…

But then I got a hold of my shelf!

Gold walks into a bar and the barman says...

'Au! You want a drink?'

How old is gold?

Coin-age!

Which month is golden?

Au-gust!

Why should you never interrupt a gold prospector?

He's just mining his own business!

Why didn't the prospector feel well?

He had gold fever!

What sort of pub do you find in a mine?

A gold bar!

Why should you never date a prospector?

They're all gold diggers!

What do you call a dinosaur who doesn't own any gold?

A dinosr!

What sort of jewellery do rabbits wear?

24 carrot!

I've got medals for being the best thief in the world!

I took gold, silver and bronze!

How do you make gold soup?

Put 24 carrots in it!

I'm not sure if I should buy silver or gold...

It's an either ore situation!

I pulled a muscle digging for gold...

Don't worry, it was only a miner injury!

Why shouldn't you take gold you find at the end of a rainbow?

It's probably a LepreCON!

Where can you find the Gold Coast?

In Au-stralia!

Why do rock stars wear so much gold?

Because it's pretty metal!

Why don't Leprechaun's like Fools Gold?

Because it's a Sham Rock!

How do pirates check if their gold is real?

They bit-coin!

What do you call gold you throw in a wishing well?

Money well spent!

What kind of music do gold nuggets listen to?

Heavy metal!

Why did the taxi driver go to the doctors?

He was always dealing with congestion!

Why couldn't the platypus pay the taxi driver?

He only had a one dollar bill!

What's got four wheels and pays HMRC?

A taxi!

What unit of measurement do taxi drivers use?

Meters!

I was 20 mins late for my interview to be a taxi driver...

I got hired on the spot!

What's a taxi driver's favourite wine?

A cab-ernet!

Where do taxi drivers go for skin problems?

The taxi-dermist!

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

When its hailing taxis!

Why did the taxi driver lose his job?

He kept driving his customers away!

What do you call a London taxi full of teenagers?

An acne carriage!

I love being a taxi driver

I can really see myself going places!

Why didn't the taxi driver pick up the bags of crisps?

They were walkers!

What did the taxi driver say to the monster who got in his cab?

'werewolf'?

Why are taxi drivers annoying on roundabouts?

Because they're driving you round the bend!

Why did the fridge call a taxi?

It was tired of running!

I got charged £20 by a taxi driver to go to the laundrette...

I've been taken to the cleaners!

Why did the taxi driver quit?

He was sick of people talking behind his back!

What's a taxi driver's favourite vegetable?

A cab-bage!

Why was the taxi driver so bad at his job?

He always went the extra mile!

What do you call it when two taxi drivers fall in love?

A fare-y tale come true!

What did the ghost say when he coughed up fog?

“Don’t worry guys, it’s just miasma!”

I tried playing rounders in the fog today…

It was a big hit-and-mist!

Most people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog…

It’s a common mist-conception!

My glasses may be fogged up, but I’m not worried…

I’m opti-mist-ic!

A man walked into my shop and bought all the fog machines, so I called the police…

I think he belongs to an extreme-mist organisation!

What did one cloud of fog say to the other?

I don’t know – it’s a mist-ery!

What do you call a grumpy fog?

A pessi-mist!

 It was so foggy at my granddad’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot…

It was a grave mist-ake!

Why was the fog always late?

Because it mist the bus!

It was so foggy outside today…

I shot an arrow in the air and it stuck!

I thought I saw some fog yesterday…

I guess my memory’s a little cloudy!

What did the fog say to the meadow?

“I mist you!”

Where does fog go to the bathroom?

Wherever it wants!

How do you wrap up fog?

With a rain bow!

Why did the fog make the sea captain angry?

He mist the boat!

Why was the old oak always shrouded in fog?

No one knows – it’s a mist tree!

I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down…

Looking back I think it was a mist opportunity!

Why was the fog kicked off the football team?

It mist a field goal!

What happens when the fog lifts over the main university in Los Angeles?

UCLA!

I tried to grab fog…

But I mist!

I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a watch….

I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds!

I named my dog Seiko

He's a watch dog!

6:30 is the best time on a clock

Hands down!

I've just been fired from the watch making factory

After all those extra hours I put in!

If you ever tell jokes about watches

Make sure to take your time!

So few people take apart their watches and sell the small hand to other people

The second-hand second hand market is minute!

Finally a documentary full of watches, hourglasses, and sundials

It's about time!

My friend was wearing 3 watches

I guess he had a lot of time on his hands!

I just sold my collection of Swiss watches to a friend in Mexico City

Adios Omegas!

What do you call a weatherman who loves steak and watches?

A meaty horologist!

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch. But on the other hand, you have a watch!

What does a watch do when it's hungry?

It goes back 4 seconds!

I put all my watches together to make a belt

It was a waist of time!

I forgot my first marathon joke…

I need something to jog my memory!

Did you hear about the man who finished the marathon in under an hour?

He was Russian!

Why did the programmer drop out of the marathon?

She had a runtime error!

Why should you eat McDonald’s before a marathon?

You’ve gotta have some fast food!

How did the lawyer with the leg injury still manage to win the marathon?

He had the power of a torn knee!

Did you hear about the marathon runner who was afraid of speed bumps on the road?

He’s slowly getting over it!

Did you hear about the Spanish man who ran the marathon?

He Juan!

What happened to the woman who forgot her water bottle at the marathon?

She finished 3st!

Why are snowmen so bad at marathons?

They just can’t warm up!

I don’t finish marathons because I’m lucky…

I finish because I’m driven!

Why should you never mess with a marathoner?

They run the streets!

I think my nose is training for a marathon…

It’s been running all morning!

What do you call it when a stand-up comedian has a lot of bits about marathons in his set?

A running joke!

Did you hear about the marathon runner who did the race barefoot?

She suffered the agony of de-feet!

How do you know if someone runs marathons?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!

Where does the Helsinki Marathon end?

At the Finnish line!

Why was the DJ disqualified from the marathon?

He kept changing tracks!

What’s the best time to run a marathon?

Lent, because then you fast!

Why did the marathon runner end up in jail?

For resisting a rest!

Training for a marathon is very hard work…

But it’s worth it in the long run!

I'd love a job cleaning mirrors...

It's something I can really see myself doing!

I work at a calendar factory..

My days are numbered!

I've got a job taking care of a graveyard...

I wanted to work somewhere with a lot of people under me!

Why are archaeologists always upset?

Their careers are in ruins!

I quit my job at the can crushing company...

It was soda pressing!

I auditions to play Hamlet...

It was not to be

I teach English literature in a prison...

It has it prose and cons!

I got fired from my job as Santa

I was given the heave ho ho ho!

I've got a job at Kings Cross...

It involves a lot of training!

I got fired from my job in the cemetery...

I made a grave mistake!

Being a waiter isn't the most glamourous job...

But hey, it puts food on the table!

My job is drilling holes and then putting bolts in them

At first its boring, but then its riveting!

I had to quit my job as a strong man

I handed in my too-weak notice!

How do you get a job with the band Queen?

Prove you can perform Under Pressure!

I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory...

They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts!

I quit my job as a scuba diver...

Deep down, I realised it wasn't for me

I got fired from my job as a road worker for stealing

When I got home, all the signs were there!

I quit my job at the orange juice factory...

I couldn't concentrate!

I just quit my job in the helium factory...

I will not be spoken to like that!

I quit my job as a stage designer...

I left without making a scene!

Went to go see Black Panther today

They asked wakanda snacks I wanted!

Why are panthers stealthier than their jaguar and leopards?

Because they're never spotted!

A panther escaped from its enclosure at the zoo yesterday

Almost made me puma pants!

Why don’t panthers like to play with jaguars?

In case they’re cheetahs!

What’s the biggest thing between panthers and leopards?

The Pacific ocean!

What's a panther running a copying machine called?

A copycat!

Why did the panther eat the tightrope walker?

It wanted a balanced diet!

The King of the Jungle said he was a panther

But I think he's lion!

Why is panther fur smooth and black?

Because they don’t want to be spotted!

Did you hear about the incident at the panther exhibit?

It was a big cat-astrophe!

What big cat should you lend money to?

Panthers or tigers are fine - just not a cheetah!

What’s the difference between a panther and a comma?

A panther has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause!

What does a chemist say when a panther jumps into a pile of sand?

"Oh, you silicate!"

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Panther. Panther Who?

Panth er no panth, I’m goin’ thwimmin’!

What do you get if you cross a lion and a panther?

Eaten!

How do panthers link to different URLs?

By adding hyper-lynx!

What do you call a big pile of panthers?

A meow-tain!

Where do panthers go when they die?

Purr-gatory!

What does a tank museum and a zoo have in common?

They both have panthers, pumas and tigers!

I was going to make a joke about flexibility…

But it was too much of a stretch!

What did the tomato say at yoga class?

“I’m so flexible, I can stretch from my head to-ma-toes!”

Why do shellfish need to stretch regularly?

To get stronger mussels!

Why do demons need to stretch regularly?

They need to exorcise!

How does a T-rex feel after stretching?

A bit dino-sore!

It’s been ten years since I last bit my nails…

Once I hit forty, I couldn’t stretch my mouth to my toenails any more!

What did the stretch band say when it robbed the bank?

“Nobody move, this is a rubbery!”

What did the newspapers call it when a billionaire got involved in a rubber band scandal?

Elongate!

What’s the best way to stretch your food budget?

Cut a minute steak into sixty pieces. Now everyone can have seconds!

If you see a man stretched out across your yard, how do you know which country he’s from?

It’s easy – he’s a SpanYard!

I’ve been doing yoga for twenty years…

It’s been a long stretch!

What do you call it when you stretch a fork to see if it breaks?

Testing its utensil strength!

I went into a shop that stretched letters for you…

It had really long queues!

Why did the tree stretch?

So it could be timber!

My yoga instructor asked me if I could touch my toes…

 I said, well that’s a bit of a stretch!

Can a Toyota stretch?

No, but a Mercedes Benz!

What do you call a stretched billionaire?

Elongated!

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for stealing yoga DVDs?

He’s doing a long stretch!

People say exercising every day will change your life…

I say that’s a bit of a stretch!

My pilates instructor asked me, “How flexible are you?”

I said, “Well, I can’t do Mondays or Thursdays!”

Why shouldn't you make a blacksmith angry?

He'll always have an axe to grind!

Where do lumberjacks buy their axes?

At the chopping mall!

What happens if you get hit in the head with an axe?

A splitting headache!

What did the knight say when he dropped his weapon?

'It was an axe-ident!'

What do you call it when a medieval weapon holds the door open for you?

A random axe of kindness!

What do Anne Boleyn and a hungry dog have in common?

They're both getting the chop!

What did Henry VIII call his lead executor?

His head axecutive!

Did you hear about the lumber jack who lost his job?

He got the axe!

Did you hear about the lumberjack who quit?

He just couldn't hack it!

What makes axes so intelligent?

Dunno, they're just very cleaver!

Why was the mountaineer unhappy with his climbing equipment?

It was an anti-climb-axe!

I found an axe in my computer today...

I think someone hacked it!

What does a lumberjack do with an egg?

Hatchet!

Why did two lumberjacks make up?

They wanted to bury the hatchet!

Did you hear about the tv show about Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard?

It got axed!

Why did the lumberjack quit?

He couldn't get a handle on the job!

Why are axes so good for gardening?

They're cutting-hedge technology!

I don't like axe jokes

They aren't big, and they aren't cleaver!

What did Henry VIII say to his executioner?

Chop chop!

What deodorant do lumberjacks wear?

Axe!

What do you call Hello Kitty farting?

Puss and toots!

I just dropped my Hello Kitty phone in the sink and it’s broken!

It was the worst case scenario!

Hello Kitty is a theoretical physicist

She sees everything as strings!

Did you hear Hello Kitty was found guilty of murder?

She got nine life sentences!

Hello Kitty accidentally ate human food last night

Don’t ask meow!

Hello Kitty loves stormy weather…

When it rains, it purrs!

Hello Kitty is constantly being mistaken for a dolphin

Poor puss!

What do you get when you crossbreed Hello Kitty with a duck?

A platypuss!

What do you call it when Hello Kitty wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophy!

Where will Hello Kitty go when she dies?

Purrgatory!

Hello Kitty begins typing an annoyed work message:

“Purr my last email…”

I just gave Hello Kitty some 7UP

Now she's got 16 lives!

How does Hello Kitty like her steak cooked?

Raaaaawr!

What’s the difference between a Hello Kitty and a comma?

Hello Kitty has claws at the end of paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause!

What do you call a Japanese cat character with a gun?

Kitty kitty bang bang!

Why did Hello Kitty buy a classic car?

Because she had a fifth-life crisis!

What do you call Hello Kitty without a tail?

Hello Kittv!

What is Hello Kitty’s Communist uncle called?

Chairman Meow!

What is Hello Kitty’s sick cousin’s name?

Bron-Kittys!

The pink panther likes to do…

To do to do to do to do to do to dooo dodododo!

What’s the best thing to give a seasick gremlin?

Plenty of room!

Why did the gremlin eat a torch?

He wanted a light snack!

What do gremlins read every morning?

Their horror-scope!

What should you do with a green gremlin?

Wait until it's ripe!

What is a gremlin’s favourite type of bean?

A human bean!

Do gremlins eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately!

Did you know gremlins can grow up to twelve feet?

Luckily they usually only have two!

Why was there no food left at the end of the gremlin party?

Because everyone was a goblin!

What is a gremlin’s favourite book?

Hairy Potter!

What do you say when you meet a two-headed gremlin?

"Hello, hello!"

What is a gremlin’s favourite Star Wars series?

The Bad Batch!

What did the gremlin eat after having his teeth out?

The dentist!

What car does a gremlin drive?

A furr-ari!

What game do gremlins like to play?

Hide and shriek!

What is a gremlin’s favourite cheese?

Monster-ella!

Did you hear about the gremlin who lost his left arm and left leg?

Don’t worry, he’s all right now!

What’s a gremlin’s favourite dinner?

Ghoul-ash!

What do you call a vampire gremlin?

A haemo-goblin!

What’s the difference between a gremlin and a hobbit?

You MUST feed a hobbit after midnight!

What do you call a small gremlin?

His name!

What do you call a rich raccoon?

A cash panda!

What do you call a raccoon with a great voice?

The Masked Singer!

What is a raccoon’s favourite dance?

The trash can-can!

Why did the raccoon sleep under the car?

He wanted to wake up oily!

How do raccoons handle their problems?

By masking their emotions!

Why was the raccoon fired from his job as a binman?

He kept eating all the trash!

What did the taxidermist say to the stuffed raccoon during an argument?

“You are FULL of it!”

What do you call it when a bunch of raccoons are watching your bins?

Raccoon-naissance!