290 Word Jokes That Are So Punny!
What's in a word? Loads of laughs! So ditch the dictionary and wrap your chops round our lexicon of lolz!
These jokes are really rewording! Get ready for some punny word play with these hilarious word jokes! If you've got time for more laughs, check out our clock jokes! We've also got lol-worthy library jokes, and if you liked those, stick your nose in these great book jokes ! Check out more hilarious jokes on our jokes hub!
Why did the rock climber quit?
She couldn't get a grip!
Why did the rock climber give up on climbing Everest?
It was just summit he couldn't do!
How do rock climbers forget about bad climbs?
They get over them!
What do you say to a mountain climber who's panicking?
Get a grip!
Why was the rock climber so grumpy?
She was feeling craggy!
Why did the boulder blush?
It peaked at the mountain!
What is Miley Cyrus's favourite thing about hiking?
The Climb!
Why was the climber upset?
He was between a rock and a hard place!
What's a rock climber's favourite game?
Hide and peak!
Why are snakes so good at rock climbing?
They can scale anything!
What music do hikers like most?
Rock music!
What do rock climber drink to stay hydrated?
Mountain dew!
Why shouldn't you date a rock climber?
It will be a rocky relationship!
Why shouldn't you date a rock climber?
They have too many hang-ups!
What do you call a man hanging off a rock face?
Cliff!
Why are rock climbers so great?
They always deliver a peak performance!
Why was the rock climber upset about the mountain?
Don't know, but he couldn't get over it!
What's a rock climber's favourite fruit?
Crag-apple!
Have you heard the climbing joke?
Never mind, it would probably go over your head!
Where do rock climbers buy their equipment?
At the Grapple Store!
It was nice when I let my fingernails grow a little
But now it's getting out of hand!
Who turns the lights off at Halloween?
The light's witch!
What do you call a felonious toenail?
A hardened cuticle!
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because they were in a bad mewd!
I found some old newspaper with clippings
Toenails, I think!
I find it hard to stop biting my nails
Because I always have them on hand!
My friend is a beautician who wants to learn Eastern European languages
It sounds hard, but I know she's going to nail Polish!
None of the nail art tutorials on Youtube are good
All the thumbnails look trashy!
I broke up with a girl who was missing a few toes
Because I am lack-toes-intolerant!
Want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit?
Take up plumbing!
I’ve been trying to think of a cuticle joke
And I just nailed it!
Why was the witch’s broom late?
It over swept!
Why did the guy have to have his toe checked out?
Because it had a nail in it!
What do you call a rock band that hates nail clippers?
Nine-Inch Nails!
What do people with a missing finger get at the nail salon?
10% off!
My toenails turned green, shrank, and started smelling like mint
I have a rare condition called Tic Tac Toes!
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees!
Why is it good to eat witch's soup?
It's very newt-tricious!
How does Neil deGrasse Tyson trim his toenails?
Eclipse them!
At first I didn't really care for this toenail fungus…
…but it's really starting to grow on me!
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes!
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
What's the hardest part about making a manicure joke?
You really have to nail it!
I got some great new nail clippers for Christmas
They’re cutting edge!
Where do witches bake their cakes?
In the coven!
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away!
What’s a witch’s favourite grunge song?
Spells like teen spirit!
What did the mathematician do about his ingrown toenail infection?
Sohcahtoa!
What do you call a cow resting on a wall?
Lean beef!
What ballet do pigs enjoy watching?
Swine Lake!
Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?
He wanted to make his soil rich!
What is a scarecrow’s favourite fruit?
Straw-berries!
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because they were out standing in their field!
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
A neigh-bour!
What did old ram tell the kids around the campfire?
Spooky goat stories!
What farm animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog!
Who tells the funniest jokes on the farm?
The comedi-hen!
Where do cows eat lunch?
In the calf-eteria!
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
What kind of bread does a horse eat?
Thorough-bread!
What has ears but cannot hear?
Corn!
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field!
Where do horses go when they’re poorly?
The horse-pital!
Why should you never tell a sheepdog a joke?
They've herd them all!
What did the duck say when they’d finished shopping?
Put it on my bill, please!
A farmer started making yachts to sell in his barn…
Sails are going through the roof!
What do you get if you cross rabbits and termites?
Bugs bunnies!
I tried to navigate the farmer’s field…
But it was a maize!
Did you hear about the broke ornithologist?
His budgie-ting skills were horrible!
What’s the best drink for a man in a hurry?
Man-go juice!
What is the most expensive fruit in the world?
Man-gold!
One budgie can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops...
...but Toucan!
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two...
They were going cheep!
Which fruit is blue and square?
A mango in disguise!
Why does the toothless budgie always win?
It suckseeds!
What do you call a ghost made of fruit?
A man-ghoul!
What do you give a budgie with a headache?
Parakeet-amol!
What did the football commentator say when the mango scored?
“Man-GOOOAAAL!”
Why couldn't the little bird get into the birdhouse?
...the door wouldn't budgie!
How do you make a mango shake?
Take it to see a horror film!
What happens when humans and mangoes disagree?
Mangoes to war!
Even if he has a driver’s license, how far can a man go…
If he doesn’t avocado?!
Disney's latest movie features a giant bird crashing into a city
It's a big budgie block buster!
Did you hear about the man who caught flu from a budgie?
It was untweetable!
What’s the opposite of mango?
Womanstay!
Two budgies are sitting on a perch...
One says to the other one 'I think I can smell fish'!
My massive budgie flew away today...
Sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders!
I had to fire my fruit delivery guy today…
I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas!
My budgie is allergic to nickel...
So I bought him a Nickeless Cage!
My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet budgie died yesterday...
Polly gone!
My budgie can speak, but only really rude things aimed at me...
It’s a mockingbird!
Why did the budgie cross the road?
So he could use the cross-squawk!
“Tell me a fruit joke!”
“Okay, so, mangoes into a bar…”
What is a rough collie’s favourite fruit drink?
A mango Lassie!
What’s a budgie’s favourite haircut?
A mosquawk!
What did Lou Bega say after he ate four mangoes?
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mango No. 5!”
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet and the house is full of the stuff…
It’s enough to make a mango crazy!
Why are the tangerine and the mango so romantic?
Together, they tango!
What’s the difference between budgie flu and pig flu?
One needs tweetment, the other needs oinkment!
Why do budgies fly south for the winter?
It’s too far to walk!
What do you call a budgie that's afraid of heights?
A chicken!
Ladies, if your boyfriend can’t appreciate a good fruit joke…
You need to let that mango!
What was the fruit’s favourite app?
Pokeman-go!
My neighbour said a man walked into my house and stole all my fruit…
I wonder, where did that man go?
I went to a pet store last week...
I was looking for some budgies going cheap!
What’s the plural of mango?
Mengo!
I got sacked for overfeeding budgies at my local pet shop...
I was caught with my hand in the trill!
What’s the past tense of mango?
Manwent!
What's the difference between a stick and a line at the swimming baths?
Nothing - they're both pool queues!
Why did the teacher jump into the pool?
She wanted to test the water!
It's free to go to the pool today!
The entry fee has been wave-d!
What did one lido say to the other?
'Pool yourself together!'
What do you call it when an elephant sticks his trunk in the pool?
A nose dive!
I got a bit too into researching swimming pools the other day...
It was a real deep dive!
Where do cheetahs swim?
In the fast lane!
Where do sloths swim?
In the slow lane!
I clubbed together with my friends to buy a leisure centre...
We pooled our recourses!
What's wet, slippery and ruins a gam of snooker?
A pool table!
How do composers swim in the pool?
They do the Bach stroke!
How do you get to the swimming pool?
In a water taxi!
What sort of pool is safe for diving?
It deep-ends!
What's the best exercise to do in a pool?
Pool ups!
What stroke do insects use in the pool?
The butterfly!
What do elephants wear to the pool?
Trunks!
How do you fight a war in a pool?
With a water cannon!
Why did the cantaloupe jump in the pool?
It wanted to be a watermelon!
Why is pool better than snooker?
You can't swim in a snooker!
What do you call an MP going swimming?
Pool-itics!
Why did the chef add extra parsley to the soup?
He was making up for lost thyme!
What is the most popular herb in East Asia?
Koreander!
Where did the herb garden go on holiday?
Bazil!
Why couldn’t the pepper go out to play with his friends?
Because he was grounded!
What’s the goofiest herb?
Sillyantro!
I bought some herbs last month and I still haven’t paid for them…
I hope they don’t send the bay leafs round!
Why is growing herbs surprisingly profitable?
Because thyme is money!
I’d tell you more about herbs and fish…
But this isn’t the thyme or the plaice!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why shouldn’t you throw your herbs away?
It's a total waste of thyme!
“You spend so long organising your herbs in alphabetical order… how do you find the time?”
“Easy, it’s next to the sage!”
What did the chef say when she saw that her order of herbs had shipped?
“Looks like my thyme has come!”
What’s the best herb to give to your crush?
A bae leaf!
How do herbs wish each other a merry Christmas?
“Season’s Greetings!”
I changed the labels on my mum’s herb jars…
She hasn’t noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin!
If you’ve ever spent a long time trying to figure out how to attach herbs and spices to your belt…
You’re probably waisting thyme!
What is the best way to cool a hot soup?
Add chilly pepper!
I have a lot of herb jokes…
But they’re not very oreganal!
They FINALLY published my book on herbs…
It’s about thyme!
My family always roll their eyes whenever I make a herb pun…
I don’t know what their dill is!
How do jellyfish get to school?
By octo-bus!
Why didn’t the jellyfish get along with the tuna?
They went to different schools!
What is a jellyfish’s favourite song?
“Don’t Stop Be-reefing!”
How do jellyfish like to travel?
In a jellycopter!
What is a jellyfish’s favourite game?
Stardew Jelly!
How do jellyfish keep up with the news?
They listen to current events!
Why do jellyfish make bad scientists?
Because they’re brainless!
Why did the jellyfish cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide!
How do jellyfish greet each other?
"Jello!"
What’s a jellyfish’s favourite sweet?
Jellybeans!
What did the jellyfish say to the crab?
“Stop being so shellfish!”
What is a jellyfish’s favourite classical music?
Anything with a good sting section!
Why are jellyfish so bad at lying?
They're transparent!
How do jellyfish pay for things?
With sand dollars!
What do you call a jellyfish detective?
An undercover sting!
What is a jellyfish’s favourite game?
Sting pong!
How do you start a conversation with a jellyfish?
Just dive right in!
Why are jellyfish so bad at confrontation?
Because they’re spineless!
Why did the jellyfish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Why was the jellyfish sad?
Because there was no peanutbutterfish!
Why can’t pirates play bridge?
They’re always standing on the deck!
In bridge, 43% of slam contracts fail, 60% of players are women…
And 96% of bridge statistics are made up!
I always arrive late for bridge…
But I make up for it by leaving late too!
How do you know when you’re in trouble as a bridge player?
When you’re the declarer and the opponents start drawing trumps!
My cardiologist says I can’t play bridge any more…
I don’t have a heart problem, he just says I’m terrible!
“I can see you’re getting worse at bridge every day…
But today you’re playing like it’s tomorrow!”
Why is Batman bad at bridge?
He only gets the Joker!
Me and my bridge partner had a misunderstanding…
She assumed I knew what I was doing!
Why are meritocrats bad at bridge?
Because they don’t count losers!
Did you hear about the guy who wanted to learn bridge in one day?
He bought 35 copies of “Five Weeks To Winning Bridge.”
Did you hear about the bridge player who knew nothing about the game?
His wife played twice as well!
Why are tennis players bad at bridge?
Because they always try and make the grand slam even if they don’t have enough aces!
Bridge fan at a concert: “What does the orchestra keep looking at?” Friend: “That’s the score.”
Bridge fan: “Oh, who’s vulnerable?”
What’s the difference between a raging bull and a bridge partner?
You can reason with the bull!
Why is marriage like bridge?
It involves two hearts and a diamond!
Why are the rich bad at bridge?
Because they can’t transfer from diamonds to hearts!
What did the bridge player’s son say when he was asked to count for the class?
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, jack, queen, king, ace!”
A wise man once said, “Bridge is a great comfort in your old age…
And it also helps you get there faster!”
There are three kinds of bridge players…
Those who can count, and those who can’t!
Why are DJs bad at bridge?
Because they always play in clubs!
Did you hear about the private investigator who dropped his phone?
He cracked the case!
What did the private investigator say after finding a calculator?
"Hmm... Now everything is starting to add up!"
What did the private investigator name his dog?
Snoopy!
What do you call a private investigator who just solves cases accidentally?
Sheer Luck Holmes!
What’s a good name for a private investigator?
Mr E!
I’m starting a company that’s part carpentry, part private investigation
I'll call it, I Saw That!
If a private investigator is called a private eye, what do you call a pirate investigator?
A privateer!
What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?
A duck-tective!
What does a private investigator call a short investigation?
A briefcase!
Why was Prince's housekeeper offered a job as a crime scene investigator?
She had decades of experience dusting for Prince!
What do you call a dog private detective?
Snoop Dogg!
What do you call a private investigator at sea?
A P-aye!
I'm the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators
I'm a directive defective detective!
I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges
Turned out he was a privet investigator!
I enrolled in an online Private Investigator Course but they’re not answering
I'm not sure if they’re just ignoring me or if this is my first case!
Why won’t a private investigator tell you their password?
It’s case sensitive!
What do you call a Private Investigator who is bad at his job?
A Defective!
What did the private investigator in the Arctic say to the suspect?
Where were you on the night of September to March?
What did the olive say when it won the lottery?
“Olive my dreams just came true!”
Why are olives so good at Formula One?
They’re great at the pit stops!
What is an olive’s favourite spy film?
“Olive and Let Die”!
What is an olive’s favourite kind of music?
Pit pop!
What did the olive say to the cheese?
“We’re feta together!”
Why did the olive hate his rented flat?
It was the pits!
Why couldn’t the olive go on?
It ran out of juice!
What did the olive say after a difficult day at work?
“I’m feeling pressed!”
Why did the olive go to a book group?
He wanted to branch out a bit!
I have an olive oil joke…
But it’s way too refined for your taste!
How much olive oil does Snoop Dogg use to cook?
A drizzle!
I got banned from my local Italian restaurant for eating the breadsticks…
I ate olive them!
What did one olive say to the other at the party?
“Olive your dancing!”
Why was the Frenchman so sad when he lost his olive oil?
Because he lost the huile d’olive!
What do you call the world’s best diplomat?
Olive Branch!
Who is Rudolph’s fruity nemesis?
Olive, the other reindeer!
I’m not really a fan of olives…
But I just can’t brine myself to hate them!
What did the olive husband say to his olive wife?
“Olive you so much!”
Why did the olive go out with the prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date!
What did the policeman say at the scene of the salad crime?
“Lettuce review olive the facts!”
How do reindeers know when Christmas is coming?
They check the calen-deer!
Which reindeer also has to work on Valentine's Day?
Cupid!
What do you call a royal deer?
A reign deer!
What’s a reindeer’s favourite game?
Stable tennis!
What do reindeer say before telling a joke?
This one will sleigh you!
Who laughed and called Rudolph names?
Olive, the other reindeer!
What is Rudolph’s favourite day of the year?
Red Nose Day!
Why was Santa so pleased with Rudolph guiding the sleigh?
Because it was a really bright idea!
What do reindeer want for Christmas?
A Sleigh-station!
What do you call a reindeer who can’t make up its mind?
In-deer-cisive!
What’s a reindeer’s favourite kind of exercise?
Deer-obics!
How did Santa’s reindeer look when they got fancy suits?
Dashing!
What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
Swimming costumes would be too cold!
When should you give reindeer milk to a baby?
When it's a baby reindeer!
Why didn't Comet take proper flying lessons?
They were elf taught!
What do reindeer say to elves?
Nothing! Reindeer don't speak elvish!
What do naughty reindeer eat for breakfast?
Co-coal Pops!
What happened when Dasher and Rudolph had a race?
Rudolph won by a nose!
Which of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs dislike most?
Comet!
What do you call reindeer boarding at King's Cross?
Train-deer!
How do you get into a Rudolph’s house?
You ring the deer-bell!
What do reindeer use to communicate?
The antlernet!
How do reindeers save money on pizza?
They make their own doe!
Where do reindeer get their coffee?
Star-bucks!
What do reindeers have for breakfast?
Deer-ios!
Why are reindeer like coins?
They both have a head on one side and a tail on the other!
Why did all the reindeer have red noses like Rudolph?
It was freezing outside!
What is red, white and brown?
An embarrassed reindeer!
Why is Santa Claus always hugging the reindeer?
They are so deer to him!
Why was Rudolph sad about his school report?
Because he went "down in history"!
What do you call a reindeer with three eyes?
Reiiindeer!
What do reindeer say every time they take a picture on a roof?
Click!
What does Santa wear in a thunderstorm?
His rein-gear!
What’s a reindeer’s favourite Elton John song?
Tiny Dancer!
What is a lawn bowler’s favourite kind of music?
Rock and bowl!
I went lawn bowling with my best friend…
Next time, I’ll use a ball!
What do you call a really great game of lawn bowls?
Impecca-bowl!
Why did the lawn bowler have to keep going to the loo?
He had Irritable Bowl Syndrome!
When is a bowls lawn the coolest place to be?
When it’s full of fans!
Who plays lawn bowls on horseback?
The Lawn Ranger!
Why did the bowls player agree to go on a date with the other bowls player?
He totally bowled her over!
You know what they say about lawn bowls…
A bowl in the hand is worth two in the ditch!
Why was Cinderella such a bad lawn bowler?
Her coach was a pumpkin!
Why do lawn bowlers join unions?
They love strikes!
What do you call a lawn bowls team that gets lots of strikes?
Lightning!
Why should you only play lawn bowls at night?
That’s the only time the umpires can come out!
What’s the song Queen wrote for their local lawn bowls club?
Bowlhemian Rhapsody!
Which US state should you visit to get matching team jumpers?
New Jersey!
When should lawn bowlers wear armour?
When they play knight games!
We had to wait AGES for the lawn bowling club to open…
Then we finally got the ball rolling!
Why did the scarecrow become a bowler?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
I lost a game the other day…
I was bowling my eyes out!
Me and my whole friend group started a lawn bowling team…
That’s just how we roll!
What do you call it when Darth Vader takes up lawn bowls?
The Umpire Strikes Back!
I just quit my job at the gym because I wasn't big or strong enough
I've handed in my too weak notice!
Why doesn’t Where’s Wally weightlift?
Because no one can spot him!
I did an hour of cardio today...
I really need to find closer parking to the gym!
Weightlifting is a tough sport
Others set the bar very high!
Weightlifters are the worst when it comes to getting advice on protein
Someone always has to whey in!
Sauron doesn’t lift - so how did he lose weight?
He just ate in Mordoration!
I weight lift at a gym for religious minorities
Jehovah's Fitness!
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today
That’s 7 years in a row now!
Forgot to bring my protein powder to my weight lift session today
Guess I should've prepared whey in advance!
Day 1 weightlifting and I already lost 3 pounds!
Now it's time to get off the toilet and start my workout!
What do you call an astronaut that lifts weights?
Neil Armstrong!
Why don't witches get sweaty when weightlifting?
Because they wear moisture-Wiccan shirts!
Did you hear about the weightlifting cow?
It was pretty beefed up!
Weight lifting sheep
Really raise the bahhhh!
What do you call a bison who lifts?
A buff fellow!
Why did Elizabeth Arden get a restraining order against Calvin Klein?
Because he had an Obsession!
Did you hear about the perfume brand founded in the 1700s?
Their perfume is made in an ol’ factory!
What do you call a broken vending machine that sells perfumes?
Out of odour!
What do you call a talking perfume bottle?
Scentient!
