Skip to main content
Subscribe to our Beano comic! Click Here
Beano Comic

20 Raccoon Jokes That Aren’t Trashy At All!

You won’t have to root through the bins to find high-quality laughs with these jokes!

Raccoons might be one of the cutest critters on the planet – and they’re also one of the funniest! These raucous raccoon jokes will remind you why you love these furry little trash pandas – get ready to giggle! And we’ve got so many more animal antics waiting for you when you’re finished – check out our jokes about goats, ostriches and dinosaurs!

What do you call a rich raccoon?

A cash panda!

What do you call a raccoon with a great voice?

The Masked Singer!

What is a raccoon’s favourite dance?

The trash can-can!

Why did the raccoon sleep under the car?

He wanted to wake up oily!

How do raccoons handle their problems?

By masking their emotions!

Why was the raccoon fired from his job as a binman?

He kept eating all the trash!

What did the taxidermist say to the stuffed raccoon during an argument?

“You are FULL of it!”

What do you call it when a bunch of raccoons are watching your bins?

Raccoon-naissance!

Why did the raccoon take a gourmet cooking class?

He was tired of eating trash!

How do raccoons keep their fur soft?

Raccoon-ditioner!

What do you call a mammal who’s great at telling stories?

A raccoon-teur!

Who would win at Scrabble, a raccoon or a squirrel?

The squirrel – it has a Q in it!

Why did the raccoon go “oink”?

He was learning a new language!

What do you call a raccoon with a banana in each ear?

Anything you want, he can’t hear you!

A vulture tries to get on a plane with a raccoon under each wing…

The attendant stops him and says, “Sorry, you’re only allowed one carry-on!”

What do you call a raccoon covered in pasta sauce?

A ragu-n!

What kind of car does a raccoon drive?

A furr-ari!

What do raccoons love to eat?

Junk food!

Why did the raccoon cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done!

What is a raccoon’s favourite game?

Hide and squeak!