Beanotown Confidential – Roger the Dodger’s Dodge Den

If you can think of a dodge, it will be in here…

This is the Dodge Den, where the world’s greatest dodger hangs out. Yes, this is Roger the Dodger’s bedroom, and in here you’ll find all the best ways to dodge the things that stop you doing the things you do want to do! So if you need to dodge your homework, getting up early to wash the cat or you just don’t want to kiss your Aunt Megan, this is the place to come!

Let’s start the tour with the perfect dodge to make people think you are much older than you actually are: Dodge No. 834, the ‘Wear Stilts Under Very Long Trousers’ dodge. This dodge means that you appear to be a lot taller and therefore a lot older than you really are. The dodge works best when combined with other things which make you look older, like a fake moustache, a pillow strapped to your tummy (under a beige jersey) and a silly hat. For maximum effect, and to look as old as possible, wear all three and pretend you can’t work the DVD player.

Over on the other side of the room, we can see a very cunning dodge designed to keep your teacher busy while you enjoy a whole day of free periods: Dodge No. 8765 – the ‘Get Your Teacher Arrested’ dodge. Stick these up around town before you go to school, and someone will soon spot there’s a reward out for your teacher. They’ll come into the school, make a citizen’s arrest and take her down to the cop shop. It usually works before morning break, leaving you with nearly the whole day free. Sweet!

Here is an interesting dodge; it’s old but it always works. It’s Dodge No. 5931, the ‘Wide Awake Glasses’ dodge.These glasses have pictures of your own open eyes on the front instead of clear glass for you to look through. This means you can close your eyes and go to sleep without anybody noticing. Try not to snore, though!

Roger likes a bit of a lie-in, so when Dad wants him to get up early to do something, Roger falls back on Dodge No. 763, the ‘Put Black Paper On Dad’s Bedroom Window’ dodge. The black paper stops sunlight getting in, so when Dad’s alarm goes off, he thinks it’s still the middle of the night and goes right back to sleep, bagging him an extra couple of hours in bed! Genius!

Now, if you look really closely, you can see the legendary DodgePad. This little device means Roger can log on to DodgeWiki and search through every dodge ever created! Don’t bother googling DodgeWiki, by the way – it’s well hidden from grown-up eyes on the Dodge Web. The DodgePad replaced the Dodge Library which was passed down to Roger by his grandad. As the Dodge Library contains 850 heavy old books, it’s quite hard to slip it into his pocket when he leaves the house. Your parents and other silly grown-ups might complain that Roger has chucked out all those lovely old books, but they’re safely stashed in the attic beside the old VHS video recorders, CD players and mobile phones with actual buttons that his Dad can’t bear to part with!