Legend has it that the first knock-knock joke was created in Ancient Greece when a doctor named Who arrived at an unsuspecting science fiction fan’s door. 

We’re totally making this up, by the way. But humans have enjoyed a good chuckle ever since a cave person slipped on a banana skin in front of all their mates. 

The Beano website is the home for jokes and 80% of the internet is taken up by our blam one-liners, whether they’re short one liner jokes that get you giggling or long jokes with a bit of a story. We've covered all the bases with hilarious jokes for kids on every topic, from Aladdin to space, poop, eggs and good morning jokes.

But what makes funny jokes, well, funny? Is it the perfect punchline that makes a joke funny, or the choice of subject? Well, read through our list of over 200 funny jokes and discover what tickles your funny bone. You can test yourself to see if you remember these 15 epic jokes.

If you're looking for a quick laugh or a massive stash of jokes to tell to your mates, we've got you covered. We've searched far and wide for the best funny jokes to get you laughing. Here are 233 gags to get you started!

Dad Jokes

1. At the bank a lady asked me to check her balance
So I pushed her over

2. YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are making a joint website. What would it be called?
YouTwitFace!

3. A Mexican man says to his friends: "I can disappear in three seconds":
Uno... dos... and then he disappears without a tres!

4. Have you seen the new movie, Constipated?
No? That's because it hasn't come out yet!

5. What's the difference between Harry Hill and Dennis the Menace?
Nothing, they both have great Gnashers!

6. I went to the doctor this morning and said "I've swallowed a golf ball..."
The doctor said, "Yes, I can see it's gone down a fairway!"

7. What is green and not heavy?
Light green!

8. When do astronauts eat their sandwiches?
At launch time!

9. What is the smelliest game?
Top Trumps!

10. Why was the aeroplane ill?
It had the flew!

11. What is the most dangerous part of the body?
The shoulder blades!

12. What did the log say to the other log?
Wood you be my girlfriend?

13. Why did the cookie call the doctor?
Because his world was crumbling!

14. Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?
Here's a tissue!

15. What do you call the best maze ever?
A-maze-ing!

16. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?
In case she wanted to draw blood!

17. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Hey! Don't look. I'm about to change!

18. What is a pirate’s favourite vegetable?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrtichokes!

19. I got hit in the face with a snowball recently…
Knocked me out cold!

20. Why was the computer cold?
Because Windows was left open!

21. What award do you give a bad dentist?
A plaque!

22. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something!

23. Do you know why I stay up late on weekends?
Because sleep is for the week!

24. What did the vicar say at the internet wedding?
'I now pronounce you husband and Wi-Fi!'

25. Why did the man fall down a hole?
Because it was April Falls' Day!

Animal Jokes

26. What is a horse's favourite song lyric?
Now watch me whip, now watch me nay, nay!

27. What do you call a magic Labrador?
A Labracadabdoor!

28. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he farted so he had to run away from the smell!

29. What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?
Three Blind Mice

30. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork Chop!

31. Why was Eeyore down the toilet?
Because he was looking for Pooh!

32. Why does a mouse do the washing up?
To make it squeaky clean!

33. Which bird steals soap from your bath?
A robber duck!

34. What's a rabbit's favourite type of music?
Hip-Hop!

35. How do you make a goldfish age?
Take out the G and Fish!

36. What's a horse's favourite cheese?
Mascarpone!

37. What happened when the frog's car broke down?
He jump started it!

38. What do you get when a cow jumps on a trampoline?
Milkshake!

39. Why don't Shellfish share?
Because they're Shellfish!

40. What happens when you mix a shark and a cow together?
I don't know but I wouldn't want to milk it!

41. What did the dog say when it sat on some sharp stones?
Ruff!

42. Why did the cow cross the road?
To listen to the moo-sician!

43. What is bouncy and spikey?
A hedgehog playing basketball!

44. Why did the dog sit next to the fire?
He wanted to be a hot dog!

45. Why didn't the donkey cross the road?
Because he saw what happened to the zebra!

46. What's the most popular name for a sheep?
Baarbara!

47. What do you call a sheep with no head or legs?
A cloud!

48. What type of food is a duck and mole put together?
Quackamole!

49. What do you say if a swarm of bees come at you?
Buzz off and beeware!

50. What do you call a pile of cats?
A miaowntain!

Food Jokes

51. Two crisp packets are walking down the road. A man in a car comes along and asks if they want a ride...
"No thanks, we're Walkers!"

52. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!

53. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't have spread it!

54. A chef asked me to check the balance of the chili and onion in a soup...
... so I pushed it over!

55. What did mummy pasta say to baby pasta?
It's pasta your bedtime!

56. How did the Japanese sauce say hello to the bee?
Wasa-bee!

57. What does a lemon need when it hurts itself?
Lemon-aid!

58. Why are mushrooms invited to parties?
Because they are such fungis!

59. Why shouldn't you open emails about pork and ham?
They're just spam!

60. Which football team loves ice cream?
Aston Vanilla!

61. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!

62. Why did the sheep cross the road?
He really wanted a chocolate baaaaa!

63. What do you call an egg who likes to prank?
A practical YOLKer!

64. I’m about to order a dangerous cup of coffee...
Safe tea first, though!

65. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

66. What is smelly and strong?
A cheese lifting weights!

67. What do you call a fake lasagne?
An impasta!

68. What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?
Halloumi!

69. Why did the teddy bear say no to pudding?
Because he was stuffed!

70. What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!

71. What do you call a fast fungus?
A mush-vroom!

72. Did you hear the pun about the German sausage?
It was the wurst!

73. Knock, knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

74. Vegetable puns make me feel good.
From my head tomatoes!

75. How do pastry chefs get old?
Time crêpes up on them!

76. What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?
Fry-day!

Teacher Jokes & School Jokes

77. Why did the boy go to the corner of his hot classroom?
Because it was 90 degrees!

78. Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

79. Why did the school ban scissors?
To stop people cutting class!

80. Teacher: How do you spell London? Child: L… I… O Teacher: There's no I in London!
Child: Yes there is, I went on it with my mum!

81. What do you do when your teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back!

82. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
Because she couldn’t control her pupils!

83. What kind of lunches do geometry teachers enjoy?
Square meals!

84. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible!

85. How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz!

86. My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle
Strange name but she TORTOISE well!

87. I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
But I know I wouldn't get a reaction!

88. "Have you got any books on turtles?" asked the boy to the librarian.
"Hard back?" "Yes, with little heads."

89. What's the name of the teacher who is always late?
Mister Bus!

90. Who's in charge of the pencil case?
The ruler!

Sports Jokes & Music Jokes

91. What did the cow say to Ariana Grande?
You've got the moooooooooves!

92. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing!

93. What is Beethoven doing in his grave?
De-composing!

94. I just saw a golfer crying his eyes out...
He's going through a rough patch!

95. Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello to the other sideeeeeeeee!

96. Which musical instrument is the best at catching fish?
A clarinet!

97. Did you see the Youtube channel of boxing matches in reverse?
They're my favorite unboxing videos!

98. My dog Minton ate two shuttle cocks...
Bad Minton!

99. What type of wall saves a goal?
A D-fence!

100. Why did the bodybuilder change his password?
It wasn't strong enough!

One Liner Jokes

101. Why did the boy's computer break?
He tried eating his cookies with milk!

102. What do you call two people who rob clothes shops?
A pair of knickers!

103. What's a candle's least favourite colour?
Blue!

104. Daddy put the cat out...
I didn't know he was on fire!

105. What did the tree say to the tree surgeon?
You're committing high tree-son!

106. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!

107. What did the tree say to the other tree?
You look leafy!

108. Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrh!

109. Where does a dog go to get another tail?
The re-tail shop!

110. How do Wookies like their cookies?
Chewie!

111. What has four legs and is bubbly?
A giraffe in a bath!

112. Why did the cow cross the road?
To watch a moo-vie!

113. What do you get when you cross a zebra with flashing lights?
A zebra crossing!

114. What did prehistoric animals get instead of blisters?
Dino sores!

115. Why did the elephants get kicked out of the swimming pool?
Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up!

116. A lady went into a pet shop: "I want a parrot for my little girl..."
"Sorry, madam, we don’t do swaps."

117. What’s a frogs favourite drink?
Croak-a-cola!

118. A child in church felt unwell. Her mum told her to go and vomit somewhere and when she came back her mum asked her where she did it...
“In that box labelled for the sick!"

119. Why don’t you make a joke angry?
Because it always has a punchline!

120. Why are flowers never lonely?
Because of their little bud-dies!

121. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!

122. Why did the toilet roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!

123. What do you call a comedian who can’t sit down?
A stand up comedian!

124. What was the atmosphere like when the past, present and future walked into class?
Tense!

125. Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the moo-seum!

126. Doctor, doctor! Can you give me something for my wind?
Yes, have a kite!

127. What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk?
I don’t like the scent of this one!

128. How much food does a cat have at breakfast?
A meow-thful!

129. What did the monster ask his girlfriend?
Be my valen-slime!

130. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He Neverlands!

131. Knock, knock! Who’s there? The Police. How many are there of you? Two!
Talk to each other then!

132. Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other…
Do you know how to drive this thing?!

133. What do you call a very excited pillow?
A whoopee cushion!

134. Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!

135. What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
You’re bootiful, fancy going for a walk?!

136. What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A slush puppy!

137. Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank!

138. How do you fry a black and white bear?
With a pan-duh!

139. Where do rabbits get their eyes checked?
Hop-ticians!

140. What do you call a ghost comedian?
Dead funny!

141. What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear!

142. Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!

143. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck!

144. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky!

145. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogey in it!

146. What do you call a computer that sings?
A-Dell!

147. What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I'll hang around!

148. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains!

149. Why did the robber take a bath?
They wanted to make a clean getaway!

150. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll!

151. Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines!

152. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me!

153. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hey, it's in my jeans!

154. What's a foot long and slippery?
A slipper!

155. Why do you never see elephants hiding up trees?
Because they're really good at it!

156. What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!

157. Some people have difficulty sleeping...
But I can do it with my eyes shut!

158. What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!

159. If you boil a funny bone...
You get a laughing stock!

160. How do balloons trip up?
They fall float on their face!

161. What’s a blob’s favourite drink?
Slime-ade!

162. What is the wettest animal?
A rain-deer!

163. How do trees use computers?
They log in!

164. What's an astronaut's favourite computer key?
The space bar!

165. What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!

166. Why did the tap dancer give up?
He kept falling in the sink!

167. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye deer!

168. Why do ducks make good detectives?
They always quack the case

169. Why did Gran put wheels on her rocking chair?
So she could rock 'n' roll!

170. What did one bogey say to the other?
“You think you’re funny, but you’re snot!”

171. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!

172. Knock, knock! Who's there? Amos. Amos who?
A mosquito!

173. Did you hear about the thief who stole a surfboard?
He escaped on a crime wave!

174. What was wrong with the wooden car?
It wooden go!

175. Which animal do you want to be in winter?
A little otter!

176. Why are drummers never late?
They beat the clock!

177. Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!
I'll deal with you later!

178. Doctor, doctor! I think I’ve lost my memory! When did this happen?
When did what happen?

179. What insect is good at counting?
An account-ant!

180. What do elephants wear to go swimming?
Trunks!

181. What makes music on your head?
A hairband!

182. What do you call a really good plumber?
A drain surgeon!

183. What colour do cats like?
Purr-ple!

184. How do you throw a space party?
You planet!

185. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe!

186. I farted in an elevator...
It was wrong on so many levels!

187. Did you hear the story about the rabbit's childhood?
It's a hare-raising tale!

188. Why do nurses creep around at night?
So they don't wake the sleeping pills!

189. I entered ten puns in a pun contest hoping one would win...
But no pun in ten did!

190. Did you hear about the octopuses that were in love?
They went about arm in arm in arm in arm

191. Which day is the worst to propose on?
April Fools' Day!

192. What did the astronaut say when he was given his birthday present?
'Houston, we have gift off!'

193. Why did the robot marry his partner?
He couldn't resistor!

194. I wanted a new toaster but the shop website was too annoying
Too many pop-ups!

195. What's Orangey and bad for your teeth?
A brick

196. Why did the lumberjack need to see the dentist?
He had a cavitree!

197. Why did the Pharaoh visit the dentist?
Because Egypt his tooth!

198. What did one tectonic plate say to the other?
'There's too much friction between us!'

199. Why did the ant go "1...2...3...4..."?
Because it's the little things in life that count!

200. Times New Roman and Comic Sans walk into a bar
'Get out!' says the barman 'We don't serve your type here!'

201. My grandpa’s last words were “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
That spoke volumes!

202. What did the skeleton say to the barman?
I'll have a drink and a mop!

203. What did the farmer say to the cow when it wouldn’t go to sleep?
It’s pasture bedtime!

204. Did you hear the jokes about the fungus?
You wont like it, but it might grow on you!

205. How does a Dalek keep its skin soft?
EXFOLIATE!

206. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves!

207. Did you hear about the writing robot who combined all the different books ever written into one novel?
It's a long story!

208. What did Harry Potter say to his godfather?
Why so Sirius?

209. Has a Dalmation ever made you a taco?
They really hit the spot!

210. What’s a Lion’s favorite US state?
Maine!

211. Why do Youtubers love The Legend of Zelda?
There's always a Link in the description!

212. Where do the smartest parrots live?
In the brain-forest!

213. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off!

Gross Jokes

214. What do you find in a clean nose?
Fingerprints

215. Scientists have discovered that diarrhoea is hereditary...
It runs in your genes!

216. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!

217. What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung!

218. Why was Tigger in the bathroom?
He was looking for Pooh!

219. What's multi-coloured and lives up your nose?
A rain-bogie!

220. What do you do if you find a bear in your toilet?
Let them finish!

221. Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the toilet?
Because the 'p' is silent!

222. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?
A Lambogreeny!

223. How much does the average bogey weigh?
Snot much!

224. How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold their nose!

225. What's invisible and smells of carrots?
Rabbit farts!

226. What do you call a farting fairy?
Stinkerbell!

227. How can you tell if a clown has just farted?
They smell funny!

228. What does Woody from Toy Story say when he has bad gas?
Darn tootin'!

229. Why couldn't the police officers catch the toilet thief?
They had nothing to go on!

230. Why were there balloons in the bathroom?
There was a birthday potty!

231. Did you hear about the film 'Constipated'?
It never came out!

232. What has four wheels and flies?
A stinky car!

233. What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans?
Puss 'n' Toots!

Jokes Writer: Beano Jokes Team

The Beano Jokes Team loves nothing more than sharing the best jokes and puns with you. We are dedicated to bringing you the very best funny knock-knock jokes, dad jokes and one liners! 

Making you laugh is what we love most; we’ve got jokes about Google, Frozen, Roblox, Mario, Roblox, Animals and more! Whichever jokes you want to read and share with friends, you’ll find the best selection here on Beano.com.

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